Bozo Of A Lifetime, Part Deux!

Damn you woodchucks. Quit chucking all my wood.

By Payton Wales

OK, so last week we reported about how a LeBron James fan got a full calf tattoo of the Brat Prince himself.  So when it came across my wire last night that another fan(-atical) had gotten a full calf tattoo again, I immediately assumed it was some more LBJ ink.

I mean who else would be crazy enough to do such a thing? Certainly not a Dirk fan or Nash fan right? What about a Kobe fan? I know, right? No way! These were my thoughts too because Lakers fans are completely normal and not lunatics at all. You know, aside from our yearly panic to trade every one if we lose two games in a row. Other than that, completely normal.

And that, my friends, is where my logic was way off the rail because, low and behold, as I was surfing the interwebs last night I came across this:

Now I know what you are going to say here, people. Payton, you're a Lakers fan and there is no Laker-on-Laker crime. But, other than applauding the guy's dedication, obviously ginormous cojones and the excellent work of the tattoo artist,  I have to do it. It's just not fair to the guy we ripped into the other day. So, without further ado ...

First off, why does Kobe look like some important historical dignitary, like Nelson Mandela or Malcolm X? This isn't your normal Kobe look. Wouldn't the fist pump or the reverse beaver overbite be more appropriate?

The only thing this reminds me of is the look Kobe was giving Smush Parker as they were getting their ass handed to them by the Suns in the 2006 playoffs after being up three games. You know the "did that fat Twinkies-eating Mother F&%@$er just turn the ball over again? Why didn't I beg Shaq to stay?" type of look.

Second, the only way this tattoo gets any worse is if he was actually doing the reverse beaver overbite thing. So maybe that's a positive now that I think about it.

Third, why does Kobe have the coloring of Panthro from the Thundercats. I mean I get the Lakers colors are  purple and gold, but this isn't even a true purple. This is just a weird bluish-purple haze marred by this guy's leg freckles. Dude, you are white, or at least a really pale minority. You could have added some color to this tattoo. Don't be afraid to make Kobe look like Kobe instead of one of the tribes' people from the movie Avatar.

Yes, I know what they are called, but I'm boycotting that movie. Why? Because it sucked! If I want to watch Dances with Wolves again I'll Netflix it. I certainly don't need to see it in space though.

Sorry got off topic there.

Anyway, it's pretty commonplace as a guy to know your "Man Rules." Getting a tattoo of another guy's face on your body is unacceptable unless they are a dead relative or friend or maybe a historical revolutionary leader. But making Kobe Bryant look like the latter does not qualify.

I just can't wait until this guy puts on some weight in the calf area and then we'll get to see the Fat Mamba, or as we would call it here at the PBT, Shawn Kemp.

Lakers Game 2 Preview

LOS ANGELES -- Forget the blame game. It makes no sense to use it here. Although you could use it, if you really wanted.

The Lakers squandered a 16-point third-quarter lead. They were seemingly outcoached, ended up with Pau Gasol guarding Dirk Nowitzki on the perimeter while up by 1. One foul and two free throws later, they were no longer winning, and then the questionable call that would have sent them to the line, but apparently the ref lost his whistle.

No, there is definitely enough blame to go around, but what would be the point. It's over. The Mavericks stole one in L.A. and now it's the Lakers turn to redeem themselves. This is where they like to be after all. Backs against the wall, critics saying they can't do it, fans jumping off the bandwagon as if it were the sinking Titanic itself. This is right where they like to be.

The problem with Game 1 was simple: Kobe Bryant was hitting from everywhere and just destroying whoever Dallas threw at him, scoring 38 points in the process. How can that be a problem, you may ask? Because his teammates followed suit, choosing to, all of a sudden, shoot from the outside as their court leader was and stop feeding the post players, which was playing to their strengths early in the game. The rest of the Lakers fell in love with the three and that in turn allowed Dallas to get up-court faster, pushing the Lakers to the brink until the Mavericks saw their opportunity to seize the game.

If the Lakers are to win tonight, they will have to keep feeding their twin towers in the post, specifically Gasol. They will need to try and get Nowitzki in foul trouble early. Bryant will need to get to the basket a bit more and draw fouls on the opposition. The Lakers will also need to make sure they close out on defense and deny the ball to the Mavericks wings, forcing Nowitzki to take a full load on his shoulders and make him tired.

The Lakers should win this game easier than Game 1. It could be argued they got hosed in Game 1 and should have won that one, but that's in the past and tonight is the future. For the Lakers, the future is still bright and well-lit like the Santa Monica Pier.

Well, that and the red glow from Mark Cuban's face, but that's another post entirely.

Los Angeles Lakers: Round 2 Preview

LOS ANGELES-- The Lakers finished off the Hornets rather easily in their first-round matchup. But to hear the critics tell it, they struggled to win the series, 4-2.

In the Lakers' two losses, the Hornets played as close to perfect as a team and a point guard, Chris Paul, can play. And they won ... barely. In almost all of the Lakers' wins, the outcome was decided before the fourth quarter even started, something contenders like the Heat and Bulls cannot lay claim to.

Critics tell an entirely different story when it comes to those teams. They talk of their dominance and how easily they dispatched their opponents. It's a falsehood. Perhaps that is the reason so many critics have picked the Lakers to lose this series. Why they picked Dallas to win, a team critics said had no chance at making it to Round 2. They were too old, too tired, too disjointed. Now, after dispatching the Trailblazers, they are Laker killers.

What would prompt such outrageous claims outside of the world of jealousy and a hatred for dominance?

Maybe it's the make up of the Mavericks. True, they are old and slower, but they have their perks too. Dirk Nowitzki is damn near unguardable and was absolutely unconscious as a player to start this season. He is still hungry, he wants to win terribly bad and witnessing that means the Mavericks will go as far as he can carry them. And that might be the Mavericks downfall.

Jason Kidd is there, an older and slower version but still steady, smart, crafty and a now beyond capable outside jump shooter. Kidd can still lead a team and still has a knack for coming up big when it counts. His downfall is he is slow enough for someone like Derek Fisher to guard and for someone like Matt Barnes to dominate.

Tyson Chandler has emerged as a defensive presence in the paint, helping to anchor a Dallas defense that in previous years had been known as soft. Chandler should disrupt the paint for the Mavericks and help on the boards, but he won't prevent a bigger, stronger, faster Andrew Bynum from continuing his emergence as the league's second-best center. Chandler will not be able to match Bynum's offensive output.

From there, the matchup gaps become redily apparant, well, minus Mark Cuban's running snark and commentary. But honestly, who can possibly match up with that?

Pau Gasol will give Nowitzki just as much trouble on the offensive end, and the people who claim Shawn Marion, DeShawn Stevenson or a 70-percent healthy Caron Butler can hold Kobe Bryant in check are in for a rude awakening. Bryant may be aging, but that age has him at the third-best player in the world instead of first or second. Ron Artest will be a nightmare for Marion, or anyone else he guards, while Matt Barnes will finish you off what Artest doesn't do first.

The X-factor, as usual, is Lamar Odom. As he goes, so will the Lakers bench. When he gets going, so do they. With no one to guard Odom, the second string will see various opportunities open up for all the role players. As we saw this season, the Lakers bench is more than capable of lighting up opposition just like the first team does.

It comes down to depth as well as offensive and defensive weapons, and the Lakers have them in abundance, not even considering the Lakers' experience making it to the Finals or their success against the Mavericks throughout the last decade. Dallas may have three players who can make life tough for the Lakers, but Los Angeles has six or seven of their own, and that will prove to be too much for the Mavericks.

Of course if critics tell it, Lakers equals Kobe Bryant and he, according to them, is washed up, no longer consistently great. Only time will tell, but when the dust settles out west, the Lakers will be the only gunslingers still standing.

Series Prediction: Lakers in 5

Keys to Winning:
-- Establish the post presence early
-- Heavy focus on the defense of Jason Terry, Marion and possibly Butler, if he plays.
-- Getting Lamar Odom involved and productive. His productiviy will improve the rest of the bench.
-- Make Mark Cuban lose his mind. This should be the most entertaining part of this series.

Lakers v. Hornets Game 5 Recap & Preview

LOS ANGELES -- Asset or Liability. It was the question of the hour when Kobe Bryant took the court with a bad ankle Tuesday night in LA.

For about 15 minutes it looked as if he were a liability  and then it happened, early in the second quarter Bryant received a pass from Gasol at the top of the key and as Trevor Ariza closed the distance Bryant took two quick steps to the lane and then exploded through the air just as Emeka Okafor did the same. When the dust had settled Kobe was giving that same cocky look he had 12 years ago when he wore the No. 8 and Emeka Okafor had become another poster, victimized by the Mamba.

Bryants' dunk incited the crowd at the Staples Center and sent the Lakers players on a wave of mutilation that the Hornets would never recover from. Bryant scored 19 points including another highlight reel dunk in the third quarter as the Lakers beat the hornets 106 - 90 to take a 3-2 series lead and put the Hornets on the brink of elimination.

Game 6 is Thursday in New Orleans.

NEW ORLEANS --

Andrew Bynum, who had 18 points and 10 rebounds in Game 5, will look to continue his emergence as the anchor of the Lakers front court and Pau Gasol, 16 points in Games 5, will look to continue his improvement in play as the Lakers try to eliminate the Hornets from the playoffs.

There will still be question about Bryants' ankle and whether or not he can give the Lakers the same boost he did in Game 5 but one thing is for sure, the Lakers seem to have that sense of urgency back. There isnt much to say about tonight other than what we know, we are in for a hell of a game and it's win or go home for the Hornets.

Can Chris Paul provide one more sting on the Lakers or will his great postseason play end tonight.

Lakers v. Hornets: Game 5 Preview

LOS ANGELES --  Game 5. Most Lakers fans would expect this to be an elimination game for the Hornets. Instead, the Lakers enter this game tied 2-2 in the series. The news doesn't get any easier from there. The Lakers' main scoring option, Kobe Bryant, has a severe left ankle sprain that occurred in Game 4.

Bryant, who has refused to have an X-ray or MRI performed, insists he will play in Game 5 no matter what and has received around-the-clock treatment in preparation for the game. With no question about Bryant's will to compete, the only question left is do the rest of the Lakers?

In their two losses, the Lakers have seemed anything but ready to compete. True, players like Ron Artest and Andrew Bynum have shown up for every game and posted great numbers, but the Lakers' normally steady and consistent players Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom have struggled in the series, even seeming passive and content at times.

The Hornets have been near perfect in their wins with their bench players and starting point guard Chris Paul posting career numbers in those matchups. To say they have been anything short of brilliant would be an insult. Aaron Gray has provided a huge lift off the bench, proving to be a disruption to Gasol's game. Jarrett Jack has played excellent as well with his high shooting percentage and heroics all contributing to the Game 4 victory.

The Lakers have been here before -- as recently as last year when they played the young, up-and-coming Oklahoma City Thunder. Again with the series tied 2-2, the Lakers found that sense of urgency and put together a great playoff run on their way to the title. This Game 5 will be pivotal for both teams. Whoever takes this game will control their destiny, forcing the other team to win two games in a row to get their playoff miracle.

The positon the Lakers are in is one coach Phil Jackson feels plays to the teams strengths, saying, "They certainly play better when they're in a desperate mode, there's no doubt about that." When asked about his teams demeanor toward Game 5, Jackson said, "They were somber. They understand the nature of we to have to do with this ballclub."

One thing is for sure, the Hornets are not taking this lightly, and they don't feel as though they have accomplished anything yet. Rather, they have been humble, almost fearful, that at any moment the Lakers could flip a switch and end the series with ease. It's with calm and catioun that they fight for every possesion, something the Lakers should take note of.

If Paul can come out and dominate the Lakers' defense as he has in Games 1 and 4, the Lakers may find themselves digging out of the grave in Game 6. But if history tells us anything, it is the Lakers will get themselves aligned for the next two games and make sure they deny Paul the opportunity to sting them any more than he has already.

Lakers v. Hornets: Game 3 Recap

NEW ORLEANS -- The Hornets came into this game trying to stun the defending champs again. They left with a loss and the realization that their fortunes may have faded in this series.

Pau Gasol, the one factor the Hornets had working for them, seems to have found his game again. Gasol, who was still struggled with his shot for the first two and a half quarters, found his shooting touch with a long three-point basket in the forth quarter of April 22's game. From then on, the power forward was all business, showing the aggression Laker fans have been impatiently calling for. Gasol was 1-for-3 on three-point attempts all season before last night.

Gasol finished the game with 17 points and 10 rebounds, helping lead the Lakers to a 100-86 victory against the Hornets and a 2-1 lead in the best-of-seven series with Game 4 in New Orleans April 24. Reestablishing Gasol as a scoring option had further reaching implications than just the series with the Hornets; most fans were looking ahead to a run-in with either Dallas or Portland, teams who both have All-Star power forwards.

When asked about his teammates return to form, Lakers guard Kobe Bryant said, "It's funny how a shot can kind of turn the momentum around for him when he's had a hard time making shots around the basket and in the paint -- and he knocks down a 3, that kind of got him going."

Bryant, who was also coming off a low-scoring performance from the previous game, had 30 point to lead all players.

Also adding to the exhibition was Lakers center Andrew Bynum, who had 14 points and 11 rebounds as well as another brief scare with his oft-injured right knee but seemed to shake off any issues. Lamar Odom scored 13 points and Ron Artest had 9, but was a disruptive force on the defensive end.

The Hornets were not without their playmakers as well. Chris Paul had 22 points but was held to only four points in the second half. The Lakers made it their focus to deny him access to the ball, forcing the other Hornets players to make most of the plays. Other Hornets top performers were Carl Laundry, who had 23 points, including a monster dunk midway through the forth when the Hornets had one last chance to threaten the Lakers for the lead; Trevor Ariza scored 12 points and grabbed 12 rebounds.

One thing is for sure, if the Hornets want to even this series, they will need far more production from their All-Star point guard as well as their bench. They are vastly undersized in the front court and will need to find a solution to that before Sunday, or risk facing a 3-1 series deficit and potential elimination when they return to the Staples Center April 26 for Game 5.

Lakers v. Hornets: Game 3 Preview

So many questions that need answered. The Lakers need to know what's going on with Pau Gasol. Can they get him back to form? Is he injured?

The Hornets need to know if their Game 1 victory was more than just some aberration in a season where they have seen little to no success against the Lakers. The final question is whether either team will be able to accept the answers they are given.

In Game 2 we saw a battle. Low scoring, hard-nosed defense, bad offense and plenty of aggresion and will power. We should expect more of the same in Game 3. I said a couple days ago in the Game 2 recap that this felt more like an audition for WWE Tough Enough, and we can't expect it to get much better ... er worse. I guess it depends on how you look at it.

The Lakers will come out and continue to try and establish themselves as the best team in the league. Ron Artest, Kobe Bryant and Bynum will continue to bring the tenacity they have had for the last threee games and will also try to inspire Gasol, who hasn't decided if he wants to be a basketball player or not yet.

Both the Hornets and the Lakers know if the Lakers set the tone tonight and dominate this game, the series is all but over. The Hornets need this win and will do everything possible to get it. Attack the pick n' roll, try to isolate Paul at the top of the key and hope Aaron Gray has another big night while hoping Gasol is having another White Swan night.

Both teams lack any major injuries.

As interesting as one might try to make this game, the Lakers are just too deep. April 20's game was proof of that. The score of the game does not reflect how the game was actually played. The Hornets gained a lot of points in the final two minutes due to some shaky officiating that made what was almost a 20 -point deficit, 10 points.

The Hornets proved in the first two games they have the attitude and gumption to play with the two-time defending world champions. What they don't have is the depth and talent to finish the job. If Kobe continues to play under his Team USA persona and Gasol can bring it home, the Lakers will cruise through this game with ease and will be looking to April 24 by the third quarter.

Lakers v. Hornets: Game 2 Recap

The Los Angeles Lakers beat the New Orleans Hornets April 20 at the Staples Center in what could only be considered an audition for WWE Tough Enough.

The physical scrum, full of leg whips, high elbows, technicals and generally chippy behavior, was ignited in the first quarter when Kobe Bryant, charged with the task of guarding Chris Paul, threw a couple shoulders in the direction of the fifth-year point guard.

Bryant, who seemed disinterested with scoring, only had 11 points, 6 of which came late in the fourth quarter. But Bryant's energies seemed to be focused on limiting the effectiveness of Paul, who had torched the Lakers two days earlier. The defensive was similar to Bryant's three years ago with Team USA. Paul only scored 20 points on 5-of-11 shooting but did not score his finial 7 points until late in the fourth quarter with the game seemingly decided.

The Lakers got help from Andrew Bynum, who had 17 points and 11 rebounds as well as two blocks. Lamar Odom also had a better second game, posting totals of 16 points and 7 rebounds while Ron Artest was 2-for-5 from three-point territory while scoring 15 points to help lead the Lakers to a 87-78 victory.

The win prevented the two-time defending champions from being put in a 2-0 series deficit while reinvigorating some of the Lakers fire. One that seems in need of more stoking is Laker forward Pau Gasol who seems to still be in a passive playoff slump. Guarded by Hornets forward Aaron Gray, Gasol found it difficult to find consistency with his shot and seemed to be uncomfortable with his established position once he received the ball in the post.

But that didn't stop the Lakers, who seemd to be on a mission Wednesday night, playing with increased intensity and physicality. iIt's obvious the Hornets drew the attention of the Lakers. Now the question is are they going to be able to recuperate and steal another game back home in New Orleans and make this a series? Only time will tell, but April 22 will bring answers to that question soon enough.

Playoff Preview - Round 1: Lakers v. Hornets

Four or five? That's the question for this series.

How long will it take the Lakers to beat the Hornets. The question isn't if they will win, but how fast can they dispatch them. The Lakers come sputtering into the playoffs and seem to be in disarray. For lack of a better word, the Lakers are a strange group. They seem aloof at times, disinterested and vulnerable with the task at hand. But as soon as you think you can count them out, they turn up the fire and start to eviscerate the league.

The Hornets are an entirely different animal. The Hornets struggled to get into the playoffs and it could be said that if it wasn't for their monster start this year, they might not be here at all. Going into the playoffs, the Hornets are losing their No. 1 scorer in David West, who is out for the season. Which leaves Chris Paul, Trevor Ariza and Emeka Okafor to bear the burden of scoring. The task can be problematic for all three players. Paul is still playing as if something is wrong with his knee. Okafor is not known for his offense and Arizia has never been one to post 30 point games on the regular.

With all the cards on the table, the Lakers are a far superior team. Even if you take Kobe Bryant out of the mix, this is still a sweep by the Lakers. Paul will play as we have come to expect and Ariza will do his best to prove he was more than capable of being an Artest-type player that the Lakers gave away.

When its all said and done, the Lakers just have too much fire power. Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol will use this as a steppingstone to come to form before their second-round matchup. Lamar Odom will be the consistent force he always is, picking apart the Hornets bench players without thinking twice about it. Expect Phil Jackson to give Shannon Brown the chance to get out if his current slump as well. Looking ahead to the future and knowing the team will need him to be a contributor if they are to leave this season as champions.

Even if the Lakers come into this series disinterested -- which they won't -- still expect the Lakers to make short work of the Hornets.

The only question is in four or five?

Playoff Preview - Round 1: Lakers v. Hornets

Four or five? That's the question for this series.

How long will it take the Lakers to beat the Hornets. The question isn't if they will win, but how fast can they dispatch them. The Lakers come sputtering into the playoffs and seem to be in disarray. For lack of a better word, the Lakers are a strange group. They seem aloof at times, disinterested and vulnerable with the task at hand. But as soon as you think you can count them out, they turn up the fire and start to eviscerate the league.

The Hornets are an entirely different animal. The Hornets struggled to get into the playoffs and it could be said that if it wasn't for their monster start this year, they might not be here at all. Going into the playoffs, the Hornets are losing their No. 1 scorer in David West, who is out for the season. Which leaves Chris Paul, Trevor Ariza and Emeka Okafor to bear the burden of scoring. The task can be problematic for all three players. Paul is still playing as if something is wrong with his knee. Okafor is not known for his offense and Arizia has never been one to post 30 point games on the regular.

With all the cards on the table, the Lakers are a far superior team. Even if you take Kobe Bryant out of the mix, this is still a sweep by the Lakers. Paul will play as we have come to expect and Ariza will do his best to prove he was more than capable of being an Artest-type player that the Lakers gave away.

When its all said and done, the Lakers just have too much fire power. Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol will use this as a steppingstone to come to form before their second-round matchup. Lamar Odom will be the consistent force he always is, picking apart the Hornets bench players without thinking twice about it. Expect Phil Jackson to give Shannon Brown the chance to get out if his current slump as well. Looking ahead to the future and knowing the team will need him to be a contributor if they are to leave this season as champions.

Even if the Lakers come into this series disinterested -- which they won't -- still expect the Lakers to make short work of the Hornets.

The only question is in four or five?