Bozo Of A Lifetime, Part Deux!

Damn you woodchucks. Quit chucking all my wood.

By Payton Wales

OK, so last week we reported about how a LeBron James fan got a full calf tattoo of the Brat Prince himself.  So when it came across my wire last night that another fan(-atical) had gotten a full calf tattoo again, I immediately assumed it was some more LBJ ink.

I mean who else would be crazy enough to do such a thing? Certainly not a Dirk fan or Nash fan right? What about a Kobe fan? I know, right? No way! These were my thoughts too because Lakers fans are completely normal and not lunatics at all. You know, aside from our yearly panic to trade every one if we lose two games in a row. Other than that, completely normal.

And that, my friends, is where my logic was way off the rail because, low and behold, as I was surfing the interwebs last night I came across this:

Now I know what you are going to say here, people. Payton, you're a Lakers fan and there is no Laker-on-Laker crime. But, other than applauding the guy's dedication, obviously ginormous cojones and the excellent work of the tattoo artist,  I have to do it. It's just not fair to the guy we ripped into the other day. So, without further ado ...

First off, why does Kobe look like some important historical dignitary, like Nelson Mandela or Malcolm X? This isn't your normal Kobe look. Wouldn't the fist pump or the reverse beaver overbite be more appropriate?

The only thing this reminds me of is the look Kobe was giving Smush Parker as they were getting their ass handed to them by the Suns in the 2006 playoffs after being up three games. You know the "did that fat Twinkies-eating Mother F&%@$er just turn the ball over again? Why didn't I beg Shaq to stay?" type of look.

Second, the only way this tattoo gets any worse is if he was actually doing the reverse beaver overbite thing. So maybe that's a positive now that I think about it.

Third, why does Kobe have the coloring of Panthro from the Thundercats. I mean I get the Lakers colors are  purple and gold, but this isn't even a true purple. This is just a weird bluish-purple haze marred by this guy's leg freckles. Dude, you are white, or at least a really pale minority. You could have added some color to this tattoo. Don't be afraid to make Kobe look like Kobe instead of one of the tribes' people from the movie Avatar.

Yes, I know what they are called, but I'm boycotting that movie. Why? Because it sucked! If I want to watch Dances with Wolves again I'll Netflix it. I certainly don't need to see it in space though.

Sorry got off topic there.

Anyway, it's pretty commonplace as a guy to know your "Man Rules." Getting a tattoo of another guy's face on your body is unacceptable unless they are a dead relative or friend or maybe a historical revolutionary leader. But making Kobe Bryant look like the latter does not qualify.

I just can't wait until this guy puts on some weight in the calf area and then we'll get to see the Fat Mamba, or as we would call it here at the PBT, Shawn Kemp.